Straitjacket feeling.

What do you  do when you find yourself constantly searching for that glimmer of light at the end of a never ending tunnel?

Are women really that difficult to read?

Women often think that men are difficult to read, but more often than not, we overhear conversations and stumble across comments on the web saying that we are difficult almost impossible to read (according to most, if not all, men). I don't see what the challenge is, really. Well, at least I think I'm easy to read.

When I'm tired, I keep quiet.

When I'm upset, I keep quiet.

When I'm angry, I keep quiet.

When I'm sleepy, I keep quiet.

When I'm not in the mood, I keep quiet.

When I'm bored, I keep quiet.

When I'm stressed out, I keep quiet.

When I'm paying attention, I keep quiet.

When I'm distracted, I keep quiet.

When I don't know what to say, I keep quiet.

When I have too many things to say that I don't know what to say, I keep quiet.

So...you know, I'd like to think I'm pretty transparent and easy to read. I still don't understand the reasoning behind society's preconceived notion of women being difficult to read.

#FunFact: Often times, people just can't tell whether I'm being sarcastic or not. Just in case you were wondering, I was obviously being genuine about my opinions in this blog post.

Time heals...or does it?

Time doesn't always heal. Things will heal with time, most times. But God ALWAYS heals - in His time. Be it a wound or a scar.

When everything seems to go wrong.

When everything seems to go wrong, there's nothing I can do but listen to that small voice in my head.

When everything seems to go wrong, there's nothing I can do but hope for the best.

When everything seems to go wrong, there's nothing I can do but accept that life happens.

When everything seems to go wrong, there's nothing I can do but accept the fact that I can't have everything I want in life.

When everything seems to go wrong, there's nothing I can do but realise that I'm not the only one in the world going through this.

When everything seems to go wrong, there's nothing I can do but be reminded that I have friends and family who will support me through these times.

When everything seems to go wrong, there's nothing I can do but pray.

When everything seems to go wrong, there's nothing I can do but rely on God.

When everything seems to go wrong, there's nothing I can do but to trust in God.


And when things still don't go my way despite surrendering to God...I'm rest assured that in His time, everything will fall into place because He has a better plan for me.

"Trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding; in all of your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."     Proverbs 3:5-6 

A guiltless death.

I am currently sitting on the wooden parquet floor in the master bedroom. There are colored pencils scattered all over the floor. I pick one of them up and start coloring the pictures in my favorite Enid Blyton book to kill boredom. I see my sister running towards the room all of a sudden, her face lighting up. I wonder if I have just missed out on something. I immediately stop coloring and look up at her even as she stands above me, panting.

 “Kim, Kim! Natalie just gave birth!” she exclaims excitedly.

Natalie is my parents’ birthday gift to my sister. She is a ginger colored hamster with fur that is ever so soft.

“Yeah, right. Don’t lie,” I say.                            

“I’m not! Come and see yourself lah if you don’t believe!” she says.

Before I even have time to put my colored pencils away (my colored pencils are my prized possessions, by the way), my sister drags me along to my very own bedroom where Natalie had just given birth. This is where we keep the hamster’s cage. I look wide-eyed at the new born baby hamsters in awe. This is my first time witnessing a hamster giving birth with my own eyes. I put on a disgusted look on my face. I wonder if all baby hamsters look like that when they first come out.

 “Ew, they look so ugly,” I tell my sister.                                                          

Blushing pink, bald, furless, eyes still enclosed under a thin sheet of membrane and tiny skeleton-like legs. My room is starting to smell like decomposing meat.

A few weeks have passed. Natalie’s babies look more like hamsters now. All five of them are starting to grow fur and they are growing bigger each day. I think they look a whole lot cuter than before. My favorite is Snowy.

 I cannot tell what time it is, but the sun is starting to set. I am lying down on the sofa, not doing anything. Boredom is eating me up. I get up from the sofa and walk up the flight of stairs. I feel as if it is taking me forever to reach the top of the staircase. I tiptoe into the master bedroom and I see that both my mother and my sister are taking a nap. I decide not to wake them up and instead, take Snowy out for a ‘little walk’. I open up the hamsters’ cage and I take Snowy out and cup him into my hands, just like always. This time, I decide to let Snowy run about freely on the floor. I get up on both feet with Snowy still within the grasp of my two hands. I stand up and all of a sudden, Snowy scurries out of my hand’s grip and lands on the floor.

Immobile.

I freeze.

I am pretty sure my heart just skipped a few beats. I feel a shortness of breath.

I want to pick Snowy up, I really do…but I am afraid that he might be dead. Tears start to well up in my eyes. My throat is tight, and I cannot utter even one word. Fear starts to take control over me. I close my eyes and count to three, hoping that everything would be fine once I open them. One, two, three, I count in my head. I slowly open up my eyes and I see that Snowy is still on the floor, lying in the same position as before. I gather up all my courage and pick Snowy up, my hands trembling with fear. Snowy starts blinking. I let out a sigh of relief, knowing that he is still alive but he is somehow not as active as before. I put him back into the cage, only to realise that Snowy cannot walk properly. It seems to me like his two back legs are broken. I feel as if a knife has been stabbed right through my heart. I can feel my heart breaking.

Oh God, what did I just do…

I see the sun shining right through the window shades and the first thing I do is check on Snowy. I am starting to panic.  I see Snowy sleeping. I blow onto his fur to wake him up, but he shows no response. I blow no more. I know that Snowy is already dead. Gone. Forever. I cry uncontrollably. This is entirely my fault, and I know it. My mother and sister hear the sound of my cry. They try to console me.

 “It’s not your fault, Kim. I’m sure you didn’t mean to do that,” my mother tries to comfort me.

But it is no use. I know that I am the cause of this. I've just killed my favourite hamster…

My sister digs a hole in our garden using a toy spade for the burial of Snowy. The thought of Snowy rotting in the dug up hole makes me feel sick already. I fold a paper heart and bury it together with Snowy’s petite body. I hope he receives my paper heart in heaven. I don't know if there is a heaven for animals, but I hope that Snowy will know that I always loved him and never meant to take his life away, wherever he is at this very moment. I try to hold back my tears but they stream down on my face anyway. I will never forget the days when Snowy and I used to spend time together. The guilt that I feel deep within me will never cease to be erased out of my memory. 

Ever.

[Note: This was based on a true story. However, events took place about 14 years ago.]

5 things people claim to understand

...but really don't!

In my 21 years (ish) of living, I've had friends come to me for BGR advice and I probably gave them great, practical advice at that time. I felt like the paragon of all love gurus. Well, little did they know, I'd never experienced having a boyfriend before. But sure, I learn from the mistakes of others and I try my best (?) to do what I think is best for me.

And then, there are those rare days where someone comes up to me with unfortunate news and I just sit there wondering what I should say or do. Of course, I result to saying the most cliche of all sayings, "I understand how you feel". Or even better, "Life is unfair. Sometimes things just don't go the way we want them to". Of which I totally agree with, mind you. But yes, I do hesitate while saying the words "I understand how you feel", because I haven't gone through what they've been through and I feel as if I don't have the rights to say that I do.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that the statement on its own is politically incorrect in certain social contexts, what I'm meaning to say is that..if I'm feeling shitty (please excuse the occasional coarse language as if you don't give a s*** about my s***z.) and all, don't tell me that you understand, because..well, you just don't, and it isn't gonna make me feel any better. If you went through what I've gone through as well, then great, we're in the same boat and we can bond over a weeping sesh.

With that being said, everyone is different and we all go through difference experiences in different phases of life.

These are 5 things that people claim to understand, but really don't/won't. Unless they've actually had similar experiences before.


1) Loneliness

We've all been there before-feeling lonely. But there are different kinds of loneliness, or so to speak. You could go to a friend's party and feel lonely because you don't know anyone, or moving to a foreign land where you know absolutely no one and you spend months feeling alone, or you could be forever alone (literally) and be single your whole life and feel like you need to find the right one a.s.a.p., or you could be in a room filled with people that you already 'know'...and yet, still feel lonely. In my opinion, loneliness is one of the worst things that anyone could feel. I know, because I've experienced all 'kinds' of loneliness. Loneliness also probably plays a big role in anxiety disorders, depression and possibly suicide. Wow okay, enough with the morbidity Kimberly.

2) Experiencing the death of a loved one

Hmm, this one..people usually admit to it if they haven't experienced it before and don't know how it feels like having a loved one pass away.. I actually wouldn't really know what to say to a friend who's grieving over a loved one's death either, actually. So I don't know how to tackle this one. Lol.

3) Growing up in a dysfunctional family

100% of the population would think that arguments and quarrels within a family are only normal-and I agree with that. However, these things happen at varying degrees, and I believe that numerous individuals have been impacted negatively by their family upbringing. I can only be thankful and blessed that I have grown up feeling loved by both my parents. Sometimes, all we want is life is to be loved, and to feel loved. Unfortunately, not everyone is able to experience that.

4) Lack of self-worth/self-esteem

There are people in this world who have a deep sense of self-worthlessness and lack of self-esteem, and it doesn't help for an extreme optimist to just go up to that person and just be like, "Hey, you got this man, I know you can do it! " Well, of course, it's always good to encourage others. However, over the years, I've learnt that learning to love yourself doesn't just happen over night; it is one long, slow process of learning in progress. I, myself have quite low self esteem, I think (no matter how confident I may seem at times, through my writing or in real life). Well, it never hurts to keep complimenting and encouraging those around us nevertheless!

5) Betrayal

I don't remember being 'betrayed' by anyone before-at least to the extent where I would hunt them down to the ends of the earth if I had a chance. Haha. So...I can't say much about this. However, I know people who have been betrayed in the past, and those incidences have definitely affected their whole outlook on life negatively. Nevertheless, my wish is that I would never have to experience any form of betrayal, especially by a loved one...that would be heartbreaking.

B'day dedication to the one and only RENEE CHEWIES!

This is by far, one of the worst things I've ever done and the most honest confession I have ever made (as far as I can remember). Today marks the 22nd year that my best friend (aka myself) has been on this earth. And guess what? I've been so caught up with life, not paying attention to the dates and everything that I actually forgot it was the 17th of October. It's now 11.36pm in Melbourne and...I still can't believe I forgot. WOWWWWWWW what a failure. Anyway, this public birthday post isn't an apology to say sorry that your birthday slipped my mind like wow I'm so mad at myself you have no idea LOL but anywayyy, LIFE GOES ON...

I've known you for close to 2 years now and I've to say, I've never met anyone like you. You've the purest soul. Such a good heart, kind soul, weird being, funny to the max, hard working, creative, musically gifted and well, you're just beautiful both inside and out. I'd make a whole list of your amazing qualities, and also a separate list of your strange jokes, and a separate list for every person's name that you've forgotten, and another list for the amount of times you've had to explain to someone about the story behind your fear/hatred for eggs, but..the list could kinda go on forever. LOL. I've a lot to say, but at the same time I don't really know what to say because there's too much to say. I guess..hmm. I'm just really thankful for you, I thank God for putting you in my life because I know for sure that my life would be very different if I hadn't met you. Especially my life in Monash. Also, I miss(ed) you every day when I was/am in Melbourne. It's kinda saddening sometimes, not being able to eat and hang with you and all that good old fun stuff lol or just being with you and doing nothing and not saying anything, but oh wait we don't really have silent conversations do we, HAHA. 

Anyway, I can't wait to go back to Malaysia and see your beautiful face in person and hang with you cause I miss you so much T_T Happy birthday once again, to be honest, I feel like the most terrible horrible vegetable friend ever for totally forgetting this special day of yours, but I guess being honest with you is the least I could do right now. Lol! But really, thank you for your friendship and you're the David to my Jonathan. LOL okay that sounded reallyyy weird but...you've been the greatest friend. I pray that our friendship will continue to blossom like flower and may God reveal Himself to you more and more even as you seek Him, and you'll be the woman that God has called you to be. Thank you for being an inspiration to me and to many others, I'm sure. :) And omgosh this is the most formal I've ever written to you HAHAH.

Hope you had a great one, take care and ILY (I really do, but I feel extremely weird saying or typing that out so...much love!) Stay amazing coz u iz more than amazing <3

The most dreaded question: "How are you?"

"How are you?"

"How's life?"

"How've you been?"

"But really, how've you been lately?"

I hate it when people ask me those questions. I mean, I don't hate them for asking those questions, it's more like I hate answering those questions. Why? Because I don't know myself. If life's going well, then yeah, life's good. I'll end the conversation at that. But no, I usually don't know how my life is going, my standard answer would always be "Good! ..I guess" or "Fine. I guess" or "Umm..pretty good?" Or something along those lines. On the other hand, when things aren't going to well, I'd say "Alright...not great but yeah I'm not gonna tell you about my problems and how depressed I am right now cause I'm not that close to you and I suck at expressing myself anyway so yeah".

And how do people usually respond to my answers? "Okaay...you don't seem too happy". But what am I supposed to say? I don't even know, lol. Sometimes I don't want to sound like an idiot, so I just make something up. Like "Oh good, went on a road trip last weekend. Had a blast, mate" and yeah the subject usually shifts towards another direction after that.

But really, how do you guys even answer those questions? Do you really mean what you say? Cause I definitely don't. Most times anyway...

Pet peeves.

In no particular order:

1) Accidentally opening an unread Whatsapp conversation (whether by someone else or myself).
Like, I just can't. I'm the type of person that would wait for an opportune time to reply people properly, and so when I accidentally open one of my unread whatsapp conversations it's like..man. Y u do dis 2 me.

2) People shaking their legs profusely without realising it.
Especially when we're in an exam hall and an exam is taking place. I would just be sitting there, trying to do my thing and at the corner of my eye I can see this person's leg, just...ughh. Hahah, sorry but it's sooo distracting.

3) Cocky and arrogant people.
Need I say more?

4) Freeloaders.
Freeloading once in a while is fine, if you genuinely show some kind of appreciation to the other person. BUT, taking advantage of people is a different story.

5) Talking with your mouth full.
This isn't a big pet peeve, but talking with your mouth feel just doesn't particularly look aesthetically pleasing to the eye so..

6) Noisy people in the cinemas.
You could save your questions for later, thank you... ^-^"

7) Over-hyped anything.
Places, events, songs, movies, brands, books, hot blokes, anything, really. 

8) Keeping the TV on when no one is actually watching it.
Happens all the time. To everyone, I'm sure.

9) Overly public displays of affection.
Ah, the good old PDA topic. How much is too much? I don't know. It's subjective to each individual. But posting one million lovey dovey selfies and captions on social media for the world to see is not needed, in my opinion.

10) Copycats.
It's totally cool if you get inspiration from here and there and incorporate those into your daily lives, but wanting and trying to be like someone else..that's where you're losing your sense of self identity. Just be yourself! Trust me, no one's gonna hate you for that. Instead, people are most likely going to appreciate you for well, being you.

20 facts about me.

1. I'm quite a bit of a big eater.
2. I never gain weight, and it saddens me.
3. Music is my passion.
4. I never watched Star Wars.
5. Or Lord of The Rings.
6. Awkward in general.
7. Enjoy watching people play video games.
8. Obsessed with babies and dogs.
9. My worst subject in secondary school was Moral Studies. I'm clearly immoral based on my Moral Studies grade, guys..haha. Thank you Malaysia. Sarcasm intended, just in case you didn't get that. 
10. I could go a whole year without eating chocolate.
11. I've lived in 3 countries within a span of one year.
12. I went to 1 kindergarten, 2 primary schools, 3 high schools and 2 universities.
13. I admire people who stay true to themselves and aspire to be like that.
14. I value gifts a lot more when there is some thought and effort put into it.
15. I've easily had more than 15 hamsters before.
16. I'm not as happy-go-lucky as I seem to be at times.
17. I don't express myself well in person, at all.
18. More of a realist than an optimist.
19. I can watch any genres of film BUT horror..ugh.
20. I hate crying in front of people, and so I don't.

My first time.

What was your first car? 
Myvi, but it wasn't really mine. It was kind of a family car..? I've no idea.

Who was the first person who you cared more about their well being than your own? 
I honestly don't know.

When was your first public speaking success? 
Probably only later in life..? 'Success' is subjective, but I'd consider public speaking success to be when I still feel nervous but manage to keep my cool and kind of speak in front of a crowd without stuttering, embarrassing myself (much anyway) or just having a complete mind blank. So..probably when I was about 17?

When was the first time you got stitches? 
Never got em.

When was the first time you stayed up all night and watched the sunrise? 
Never stayed up to watch the sunrise.

What was the first thing you learned to cook?
 Instant noodles! Maggi mee in particular.

What was your first paying job? 
Cafe/food stall all rounder.

When was the first time you flew on an airplane?
 As far as I can remember, when I was 8. To Paris :D Worst 13 hour flight ever. I was just puking throughout.

What was the first concert you went to see?
Planetshakers. But I don't really like calling that a concert, so...David Choi live in Bangkok, 2013!

What was your first bike like?
 Um I'm pretty sure it was a tricycle, don't remember the colour, unfortunately..

When was the first time you shot a gun? 
Just a month ago, but that was a BB gun.

When was the first time you moved houses?
When I was 3 or something like that, based on old photographs. Lol

When was the first time you threw a punch? 
I was young and foolish, but yeah I threw a punch at a punching bag. I've never punched a real life person before, as far as I can recall...

When was the first time you quit a job?
 Last year, lol.

What was the first professional sporting event you went to? 
No

When was the first time you realized you are good at your job?
Um. I'm not great at being a student so

When was your first regrettable hair style? 
Hahahaha I have no idea. I don't regret that often when it comes to cutting my hair cause I'm a pretty boring person when it comes to hairstyles. But probably when I was 13, when I wanted to have emo fringe but the hairdresser kinda screwed it up a lil. Haha!

What was your first business venture?
 In the toilet LOL JOKES I'm so disgusting sorry.

How old were you when you first left home?
17, if in the context of leaving my home country to live in another country. 20, in the context of living away from home and my family to study abroad in another country. Leaving home to settle down with a man, um that's not happening anytime soon so yeahh hahah.

When you the first time you cut class? 
Whoa er..primary school, probably. I learned the ways of the world at quite a young age. Lol!

How old where you when you had your first kiss? 
5 or 6. (Sorry parents) But it's okay. *no shame* After that, I never even held hands with a guy until this year. HAHA. Like yeah, achievement unlocked after 15 years, good job Kimberly.

When was the first time you went fishing? 
Probably when I was about 7! I didn't particularly enjoy it cause my dad used worms as baits and I HATE WORMS. I can't even look at realistic drawings of worms. Lame.

How old where you when you got your first computer?
First laptop, when I was 17.

When was the first time you stood up for your self?
Hmmmmmm I don't remember. Sorry. I am making this tag sound so boring. HAHA I'm sorry, my memory just fails me sometimes.


So there you go, just a little insight into my not-so-fun life. :D

God-shaped hole.

As we draw so near to You

Would You draw so near to us?

Lord as we cry

Would you meet us where we are?

There's a God-shaped hole in my heart

That only You can fill

I need You to feel the void

When God speaks.

Earlier this year, I attended my first ever OCF Easter camp in Melbourne and I've to say, it exceeded my expectations. F and B asked if I could play the bass for them if I was going for Easter camp and I thought, well..I guess I could help out. So yeahhh, I honestly did not step foot onto the camp site expecting much, but man, God was just so gracious to me. He gave me opportunities to serve even without me asking, readied an awesome group of people with whom I spent most of those 5 days with, provided such good camp food (or rather, good OCF chefs!) although again, I wasn't expecting much because c'mon, which camp actually serves good food, right? ...wrong. From lasagna, to chicken rice, to roasted chicken, to cheese toasties...I couldn't have asked for better camp food LULZ. But most importantly..God spoke to me and revealed Himself to me even though I was not earnestly seeking Him at that time, and I did not ask Him for anything. But He came, when I was least expecting it. He showed up, tugged my spirit gently, and He let me know that He, indeed, was real.

These events happened 5 months ago, but I just wanted to share my story with everyone. And this is also a gentle reminder to myself, of God's goodness and graciousness to me. P/S I will be copying and pasting my testimony from Facebook! So here goes...

During ministry night, I went up for prayer, and I didn't feel that God put anything into my heart in particular to be prayed for, but I just went anyway. I just knew that I felt very spiritually dry.

Then EH started praying for me and she kept saying that I should trust in God and be more confident in whatever I do. After that JT also prayed for me, I said I didn't know what to pray for so I asked him to pray for anything. He also prayed the same thing as EH which I thought was okay la, a bit cool.

On the very last day, I received a long note from my mortal and at the end he said "you are so loved by our Heavenly Father! A father who protects His beautiful daughter like a roaring lion, never doubt yourself for if the Lord is with you, who can be against you?" It never occurred to me that it all interlinked. Until right before I stepped out of the barn house (where we had all our sessions), I picked up a piece of 'rubbish' to throw away, but it actually turned out to be a verse from Jeremiah 17:7-8 which said "But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when the heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a fear of drought and never fails to bear fruit" (Sorry in advance, to whoever that sticky note belonged to, I kinda just took it home with me haha).

And I knew it wasn't all just a coincidence. I always felt inadequate to do things, even tasks for God. And I think that is a bit self centered of me. To decide not to take up on certain tasks just cause I don't think I can do it (by relying on my own strength). And I think my feeling of inadequacy is stopping me from carrying out God's purpose in my life, so I just wanna encourage everyone that, I believe, God can and will use us no matter how little we think we have to offer, but if God is with us, nothing else can stand against us.

I hope my story has managed to encourage at least some of you out there, especially those who feel incompetent in one way or another. I'm not saying I overcame the feeling of incompetence, but I definitely learned to put my confidence in Christ and not in myself. Because God is made strong in our weaknesses. :)

The piece of 'rubbish' that i found. :P [EDIT: After 5 months, I found out (literally just 5 minutes ago) that Steffi was the one who wrote this verse...HAHAHAHHAHAAH too funny, but 'twas really a blessing in disguise! God is so funny. Heh.]

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 

-2 Corinthians 12:9 -

Procrastination 101: How NOT to be the 'pro' in procrastination.

I...have the shortest attention span ever. Okay, maybe not the shortest. But yes, I have a really short attention span. And I get super, duper, easily distracted by everything. And when I say everything, I mean everything. But! Fret not, for I have come up with ways that have helped me focus on what I'm doing and be more efficient in producing work.

1) Don't do your work in a place where you know you'll be easily distracted (i.e at home).

2) If you're like me and can't do 5 minutes of work without being distracted when you're not in the presence of others, then girl (or boy, if you're a boy lol), you need to go to the library or something right now! That really, really helps me concentrate a lot more when I'm doing work.

3) You could put your cellphone 1 mile away from you if you want, cause like they all say, out of sight, out of mind. But yeah, that just doesn't really do it for me as I'd get anxious and all without my phone LOL. But, what I'd do is put my phone either on airplane or do not disturb mode so that I don't get notified when I receive a text etc.

4) Put on some music! Use earphones. I don't know about you, but this kind of helps me block out the world. And I'd feel ONE with my academic essays, you know? In perfect harmony. Or something.

5) But obviously, if you can't do work while listening to music, then don't do it. Lol...

6) Set targets as to when you think you want to finish each section of the assignment by. However, if your assignment is due the following day, I suggest you don't even waste time setting targets and just dive right in. (Personally, I don't do this even though I know I should. But I just don't.)

7) Have some snacks ready to munch on while doing work! Unless you're fasting or are on a diet. But again, you could opt to consume foods that won't lead you to gain much weight or clog up your arteries and ultimately lead to an infarction or in other words, a heart attack.

8) Like Nike says, JUST DO IT.

Now, all that is left for me to do is follow my own advice and get right on with my marketing campaign analysis assignment now...

Look up.

I have 422 friends, yet I am lonely.
I speak to all of them everyday, yet none of them really know me.

The problem I have sits in the spaces between,
looking into their eyes, or at a name on a screen.

I took a step back, and opened my eyes,
I looked around, and then realised
that this media we call social, is anything but
when we open our computers, and it’s our doors we shut.

All this technology we have, it’s just an illusion,
of community, companionship, a sense of inclusion
yet when you step away from this device of delusion,
you awaken to see, a world of confusion.

A world where we’re slaves to the technology we mastered,
where our information gets sold by some rich greedy bastard.
A world of self-interest, self-image, self-promotion,
where we share all our best bits, but leave out the emotion.

We are at our most happy with an experience we share,
but is it the same if no one is there.
Be there for you friends, and they’ll be there too,
but no one will be, if a group message will do.

We edit and exaggerate, we crave adulation,
we pretend we don’t notice the social isolation.
We put our words into order, until our lives are glistening,
we don’t even know if anyone is listening.

Being alone isn’t the problem, let me just emphasize,
that if you read a book, paint a picture, or do some exercise,
you are being productive, and present, not reserved or recluse,
you’re being awake and attentive, and putting your time to good use.

So when you’re in public, and you start to feel alone,
put your hands behind your head, and step away from the phone.
You don’t need to stare at your menu, or at your contact list,
just talk to one another, and learn to co-exist.

I can’t stand to hear the silence, of a busy commuter train,
when no one wants to talk through the fear of looking insane.
We’re becoming unsocial, it no longer satisfies
to engage with one another, and look into someone’s eyes.

We’re surrounded by children, who since they were born,
watch us living like robots, and think it’s the norm.
It’s not very likely you will make world’s greatest dad,
if you cant entertain a child without a using an iPad.

When I was a child, I would never be home,
I’d be out with my friends, on our bikes we would roam.
We’d ware holes in our trainers, and graze up our knees;
we’d build our own clubhouse, high up in the trees.

Now the parks are so quiet, it gives me a chill
to see no children outside and the swings hanging still.
There’s no skipping or hopscotch, no church and no steeple,
we’re a generation of idiots, smart phones and dumb people.

So look up from your phone, shut down that display,
take in your surroundings, and make the most of today.
Just one real connection is all it can take,
to show you the difference that being there can make.

Be there in the moment, when she gives you the look,
that you remember forever, as when love overtook.
The time you first hold her hand, or first kiss her lips,
the time you first disagree, but still love her to bits.

The time you don’t need to tell hundreds, about what you’ve just done,
because you want to share the moment, with just this one.
The time you sell your computer, so you can buy a ring,
for the girl of your dreams, who is now the real thing.

The time you want to start a family, and the moment when,
you first hold your baby girl, and get to fall in love again.
The time she keeps you up at night, and all you want is rest,
and the time you wipe away the tears, as your baby flees the nest.

The time your little girl returns, with a boy for you to hold,
and the day he calls you granddad, and makes you feel real old
The time you take in all you’ve made, just by giving life attention,
and how your glad you didn’t waste it, by looking down at some invention.

The time you hold your wife’s hand, and sit down beside her bed
you tell her that you love her, and lay a kiss upon her head.
She then whispers to you quietly, as her heart gives a final beat,
that she’s lucky she got stopped, by that lost boy in the street.

But none of these times ever happened, you never had any of this,
When you’re too busy looking down, you don’t see the chances you miss.

So look up from your phone, shut down those displays,
we have a finite existence, a set number of days.
Why waste all our time getting caught in the net,
as when the end comes, nothing’s worse than regret.

I am guilty too, of being part of this machine,
this digital world, where we are heard but not seen.
Where we type and don’t talk, where we read as we chat,
where we spend hours together, without making eye contact.

Don’t give in to a life where you follow the hype,
give people your love, don’t give them your like.
Disconnect from the need to be heard and defined
Go out into the world, leave distractions behind.

Look up from your phone, shut down that display,
stop watching this video, live life the real way.

By Gary Turk

There is a first time for everything. Goodbye, 2014!

Every year just gets better, and 2014 was one of the greatest years for me, without a doubt. Countless friends made (okay, I'm obviously exaggerating here, mind you!), fears faced, risks taken, opportunities seized, mistakes made, lessons learnt...it surely wasn't just all rainbows and unicorns, but it was definitely a year to remember. A year with heaps of first time experiences for me.

First time playing the bass.

First time performing for open mic sessions.

First time getting involved in Monash CF.

First time being part of CF camp committee (The games comm, to be precise).

First time receiving a lot of pokemon-related gifts.

First time having a onesie (A PIKACHU onesie, mind you. Thanks, Rojiak Cell :D).

First time sitting in a Myvi with 8 other people...good old Monash days. HAHA.

First time visiting Perth.

First time flying overseas alone (Best flight ever, lololol, no sarcasm intended).

First time emceeing (for CF Camp Skit Night and for OCF Melbourne).

First time leading bible study in OCF.

First time being one of the coffee ministry leaders.

First time talking to so many strangers.

First time actually really missing everyone at home.

First time cooking almost everything I cooked while in Melbourne. *claps for myself HAHA*

First time having a farewell for the second time. Heh heh heh the previous sentence sounded very smart, I must say. #selfpraiseisnopraise #monologue #itsokaykimberly

First time eating durian puffs (I'm not a fan of durians at all but these taste great).

First time getting a fine. In Melbourne Sigh let's not talk about it...

First time going on a banana boat ride.

First time jet skiing.

First time taking a jumpshot at the beach with the sun setting in the background.

First time taking a selfie with mops.

First time sharing a testimony in front of a crowd (I hate public speaking, just so you know).

First time genuinely wanting to read more of God's word.

First time having overly weird friends, whom I came to cherish as friends for life.

First time living apart from the parents.

First time taking risks for someone worth it.

First time being such a driver (in Malaysia) and such a housewife (or maid, whichever you prefer LOL) in Melbourne.

First time using Spotify.

First (and hopefully the last) time failing a uni assignment hahahhaha.

First time going for formal interviews.

First time going on so many road trips in one year.

First time getting double piercings (TWICE. Haha my ears are so sensitive. Sigh).

The list could go on and on, but I'm really thankful that I got to experience everything I experienced in 2014. I wish I could say that I didn't regret a thing, but truth is, there are bound to be things I regret doing/not doing. But life goes on, and I learn from my past. With that being said, here's to a greater 2015! I'm looking forward to this year because I know that greater things are yet to come. Here's to making more new memories with people we love and cherish! May we all grow in our own individual ways, mature spiritually, learn from our past mistakes and make 2015 an unforgettable year. :)

FITTING IN: Transitioning to a new environment

I was reading through my recent posts, and realised that I haven't talked much about my life at all (For the love of carbs, I haven't blogged in forever...haha! But I really do miss blogging.) and sooo, I decided to write this blog post for those who are finding it hard to fit in, whether you're new at school, university or just anywhere in general, really.

Firstly, let me just start off by saying that, I was never really an outspoken person to begin with, and I hardly took the initiative to strike up a conversation with a random person...until I went to Thailand. I don't often tell you life stories, but I shall attempt to type my life out, right here right now lulz.

So at the end of 2010, I moved to Bangkok and attended ISB. It was a completely new environment for me, in terms of the country itself, the language, the culture, the people, the school, the american syllabus, just basically, everything was different. And the school was so massive that it was actually pretty difficult to make friends at first, considering how much of an 'introvert' I was at that point in time. I hardly talked or even laughed when I was at school. The first 3 months was tough, but I obviously made it through my sophomore year! And mind you, I need end up making good friends. :)

After grade 10, I moved to another school to do A levels. SHB. It was definitely a smaller community in SHB, so I think that was a big factor as to why it was easier for me to make friends. And I really did make some really good friends then.

After 2 years, I moved back to Malaysia where I enrolled for Monash's October Intake which was...a pretty small intake, actually. So, this was where my journey really started.

October 2013, I went for orientation--alone--not knowing who I'd be meeting there. I was already a pretty different person by then, I told myself that I was going to talk to people and make new friends, and that was just what I did. Whenever there was a chance to talk someone, I'd just grab that opportunity to have small talk and who knows, they might just end up being my BFF lol (or not). I bumped into many old friends whom I've not met for years, and it was great, but I didn't hang around them forever lol. On Day 3 of orientation, I already found myself hanging out with a group of girls who I hardly knew, but they were so fun to be with and I felt like I'd known them for weeks already. But the funniest thing I remember was, one of them, K, said that her first impression of me was that i was "damn scary and intimidating", because I spoke with an 'accent' and she also told me that she thought I was the "I'm so pretty I'm so smart ha ha ha *flips hair*" type of girl. That totally cracked me up HAHAHA I died. To cut the long story short, I'm super glad that I took the initiative to talk to so many people, or I would never have met such an amazing bunch of people. Really. I met the greatest of friends back in Monash.

And thennn, after about 9 months...I left for Melbourne in July 2014. I was really sad to leave this amazing bunch of people that I've grown love, but oh well, LIFE GOES ON ya feel me? Transitioning to Melbourne wasn't hard to be honest, I was already used to moving schools/countries etc., and I knew quite a number of people here already. However, I still found it difficult to find close friends that I could hang out with and stuff. There were times where I felt pretty lonely, but I think it's really important that you don't let the loneliness get to you, if you know what I mean. I love making new friends, so even though I didn't have a close group of friends that I could talk to whenever I wanted to, I still took the initiative to get to know people. I won't lie, there's bound to be times where I just don't feel like doing anything, but I think I'm doing myself a huge favour by taking the initiative to talk to people, even if you're "the new kid on the block" and you think they should be the one to come up and talk to you first. Just because I'm the new one, it doesn't mean that I have to wait for people to come and talk to me, because sometimes, things just don't go our way and we end up getting disappointed. So if you can help yourself, why not?

I have to be honest though. There are times where no matter how hard you try to get to know some people, you guys are just never gonna get along well or be able to click. But it doesn't matter, if you think you've tried, then so be it. Maybe you'll be better off with a different group of friends!

Right now, I'm still hoping and praying that God will send me good friends--friends that I can hang out with, talk to about anything, build me up as a person and just..I don't know, be a good friend. :) But I believe that I'm going to have an even greater semester next year, and that I'll make those friends. On a side note, I've met sooo many people here that have been such a blessing to me, and have made an impact on my life here; whether big or small, whether they know it or not. Especially those from OCF. I'm really thankful that I went for the OCF orientation alone before classes even started. Haha, these are the people that build me up spiritually while I'm here in Melbourne, and I'm grateful for them.

So to you guys out there who are finding it hard to fit in....don't give up! Gather up the courage to talk to people, and you might soon grow to love people! I assure you, you'll never regret it, and you'll meet sooo many great people. :)

10 common cliches that speak truth

1. Actions speak louder than words.
I can't agree more with this statement. And I can't emphasize more on how disappointing it is when people don't keep to their word. If you say something and don't do it, fine, that's forgivable, but when you promise to do something and don't do it, you're just a (wo)man of empty words.

And don't you dare tell him/her that you love him/her and are willing to do anything for that person when you don't even show it. Because it is by doing those little things that ultimately show him/her that you do love her and appreciate him/her as a person.

2. Love is blind.
...figuratively. Think about it, why do people even break up in the first place?

Mhmmm, uh-huh.

3. You never know what you have till it's gone.
This is probably the truest of all cliches. I think a person wouldn't know how to truly appreciate something or someone until they've really lost it/that person--sometimes, forever.

4. Don't judge a book by its cover.
I've been there. Everyone has. Judging someone based on their outward appearances. But throughout the years, I've learnt to get to know the person first, rather than judging that person based on first impressions because I'm often wrong in a sense that, I later come to realise that there is so much more to that person than I'd imagined.

Of course, it works both ways. You may think someone is 'good' when you first get to know them, but...don't be surprised if (s)he doesn't meet your expectations and turns out to be different than the person you thought (s)he was.

5. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
What may seem ugly to you may be beautiful in someone else's eyes. For example, Justin Bieber JUST KIDDING JUST KIDDING he's not ugly at all in fact he's far from ugly but yeah he's just not my type. At all.

6. Time will tell.
Need I say more?

7. Laughter is the best medicine.
This is sooooo true omgosh haha. Even if laughing may be the cause of your death, at least you die happy, you know? Hahaha okay choi choi touch wood. But still.

8. Old habits die hard.
Indeed. Killing old habits take more than just doing it you know? It takes determination, patience, perseverance, self control, discipline--well basically, just a really positive mindset.

9. A picture is worth a thousand words.

Don't you think? :) Bahahahaha. Jealousy iz in the airzzz, gurl.

10. Last but not least, everything happens for a reason.
I really do believe that everything does happen for a reason, whether we realise it or not. Sometimes we make mistakes so we can learn from them. Sometimes we succeed so we know that there is hope. Sometimes we fall so we can learn how to get back up again. And sometimes we lose people so we know how to appreciate those around us even more.

More than blessed

I was sitting through my Contemporary Worlds lecture last week and we were talking about how these foreign workers are the people who take on the jobs which, in the eyes of Malaysians, are kind of...degrading? So I was just thinking about it the other day and a thought came to mind.

These people take on jobs such as janitors, rubbish collectors, etc and some people might be thinking, "Why would they take on such jobs?" 

And then there's us. Whether we are 'rich' or'average', most of us are still pretty much complacent with life. But these people, maybe they take on such jobs cause..well, they have nothing to lose in the first place. Earning something is better than not earning anything.

On the other hand, we already have everything we need; and for us, doing such things would just be too much to lose.

I guess all I'm trying to say is, be thankful for what you already have. 

How to lose friends and make enemies (Not a social experiment.)

Inspired by "Dustyhawk". (Disclaimer: This post has nothing to do with him, nor does it relate to any of his 'doings'. I just thought I might write another 'How-To' post :D)


First of all, remember that you made friends with those people at one point in time. I mean, one can't really lose friends when in the first place he or she never had any friends to begin with, right? Losing friends and eventually, making enemies, is a gradual process. It takes time, but not too long; that you can bet on. :p

STEP 1
'Accidentally' call them by someone else's name

STEP 2
Stop replying their messages. If you feel bad for a start, take it slow. Just keep replying with one of these:
k
haha
lol
cool
really
oh i see
gtg, bye

STEP 3
Make them pay for your meals and don't pay them back later on

STEP 4
Tell on them whenever they miss classes or lectures

STEP 5
Gossip about them right in front of them

STEP 6
Don't give them a chance to speak. Or in other words, just keep interrupting their every sentence

STEP 7
Insult their partners

STEP 8
But hang out with them (their partners)

STEP 9
Make promises, and break them

STEP 10
Just pretend they don't exist

And that's how you "Lose Friends and Make Enemies"! ^__^ Simple, right?

By the way, there is a reason why I wrote this post. I just wanted to remind people (including myself) that, these things do hurt your 'friends', and if you continue doing any of these things, you might just lose a friend.

Also, check out my post on 'How to procrastinate like a boss' if you haven't already! Here's the link: http://kimbleeboey.blogspot.com/search/label/how-to%27s

Have a great month ahead! And Merry Christmas in advance! :)