...but really don't!
In my 21 years (ish) of living, I've had friends come to me for BGR advice and I probably gave them great, practical advice at that time. I felt like the paragon of all love gurus. Well, little did they know, I'd never experienced having a boyfriend before. But sure, I learn from the mistakes of others and I try my best (?) to do what I think is best for me.
And then, there are those rare days where someone comes up to me with unfortunate news and I just sit there wondering what I should say or do. Of course, I result to saying the most cliche of all sayings, "
I understand how you feel". Or even better, "
Life is unfair. Sometimes things just don't go the way we want them to". Of which I totally agree with, mind you. But yes, I
do hesitate while saying the words "I understand how you feel", because I haven't gone through what they've been through and I feel as if I don't have the rights to say that I do.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that the statement on its own is politically incorrect in certain social contexts, what I'm meaning to say is that..if I'm feeling shitty (please excuse the occasional coarse language as if you don't give a s*** about my s***z.) and all, don't tell me that you understand, because..well, you just don't, and it isn't gonna make me feel any better. If you went through what I've gone through as well, then great, we're in the same boat and we can bond over a weeping sesh.
With that being said, everyone is different and we all go through difference experiences in different phases of life.
These are 5 things that people claim to understand, but really don't/won't. Unless they've actually had similar experiences before.
1)
Loneliness
We've all been there before-feeling lonely. But there are different kinds of loneliness, or so to speak. You could go to a friend's party and feel lonely because you don't know anyone, or moving to a foreign land where you know absolutely no one and you spend months feeling alone, or you could be forever alone (literally) and be single your whole life and feel like you need to find the right one a.s.a.p., or you could be in a room filled with people that you already 'know'...and yet, still feel lonely. In my opinion, loneliness is one of the worst things that anyone could feel. I know, because I've experienced all 'kinds' of loneliness. Loneliness also probably plays a big role in anxiety disorders, depression and possibly suicide. Wow okay, enough with the morbidity Kimberly.
2)
Experiencing the death of a loved one
Hmm, this one..people usually admit to it if they haven't experienced it before and don't know how it feels like having a loved one pass away.. I actually wouldn't really know what to say to a friend who's grieving over a loved one's death either, actually. So I don't know how to tackle this one. Lol.
3)
Growing up in a dysfunctional family
100% of the population would think that arguments and quarrels within a family are only normal-and I agree with that. However, these things happen at varying degrees, and I believe that numerous individuals have been impacted negatively by their family upbringing. I can only be thankful and blessed that I have grown up feeling loved by both my parents. Sometimes, all we want is life is to
be loved, and to
feel loved. Unfortunately, not everyone is able to experience that.
4)
Lack of self-worth/self-esteem
There are people in this world who have a deep sense of self-worthlessness and lack of self-esteem, and it doesn't help for an extreme optimist to just go up to that person and just be like, "Hey, you got this man, I know you can do it! " Well, of course, it's always good to encourage others. However, over the years, I've learnt that learning to love yourself doesn't just happen over night; it is one long, slow process of learning in progress. I, myself have quite low self esteem, I think (no matter how confident I may seem at times, through my writing or in real life). Well, it never hurts to keep complimenting and encouraging those around us nevertheless!
5)
Betrayal
I don't remember being 'betrayed' by anyone before-at least to the extent where I would hunt them down to the ends of the earth if I had a chance. Haha. So...I can't say much about this. However, I know people who have been betrayed in the past, and those incidences have definitely affected their whole outlook on life negatively. Nevertheless, my wish is that I would never have to experience any form of betrayal, especially by a loved one...that would be heartbreaking.
