What do you do when you find yourself constantly searching for that glimmer of light at the end of a never ending tunnel?
Tuesday, 27 June 2017
Wednesday, 16 November 2016
Are women really that difficult to read?
Women often think that men are difficult to read, but more often than not, we overhear conversations and stumble across comments on the web saying that we are difficult almost impossible to read (according to most, if not all, men). I don't see what the challenge is, really. Well, at least I think I'm easy to read.
When I'm tired, I keep quiet.
When I'm upset, I keep quiet.
When I'm angry, I keep quiet.
When I'm sleepy, I keep quiet.
When I'm not in the mood, I keep quiet.
When I'm bored, I keep quiet.
When I'm stressed out, I keep quiet.
When I'm paying attention, I keep quiet.
When I'm distracted, I keep quiet.
When I don't know what to say, I keep quiet.
When I have too many things to say that I don't know what to say, I keep quiet.
So...you know, I'd like to think I'm pretty transparent and easy to read. I still don't understand the reasoning behind society's preconceived notion of women being difficult to read.
#FunFact: Often times, people just can't tell whether I'm being sarcastic or not. Just in case you were wondering, I was obviously being genuine about my opinions in this blog post.
Friday, 3 June 2016
Time heals...or does it?
Time doesn't always heal. Things will heal with time, most times. But God ALWAYS heals - in His time. Be it a wound or a scar.
Wednesday, 2 March 2016
When everything seems to go wrong.
When everything seems to go wrong, there's nothing I can do but listen to that small voice in my head.
When everything seems to go wrong, there's nothing I can do but hope for the best.
When everything seems to go wrong, there's nothing I can do but accept that life happens.
When everything seems to go wrong, there's nothing I can do but accept the fact that I can't have everything I want in life.
When everything seems to go wrong, there's nothing I can do but realise that I'm not the only one in the world going through this.
When everything seems to go wrong, there's nothing I can do but be reminded that I have friends and family who will support me through these times.
When everything seems to go wrong, there's nothing I can do but pray.
When everything seems to go wrong, there's nothing I can do but rely on God.
When everything seems to go wrong, there's nothing I can do but to trust in God.
And when things still don't go my way despite surrendering to God...I'm rest assured that in His time, everything will fall into place because He has a better plan for me.
When everything seems to go wrong, there's nothing I can do but hope for the best.
When everything seems to go wrong, there's nothing I can do but accept that life happens.
When everything seems to go wrong, there's nothing I can do but accept the fact that I can't have everything I want in life.
When everything seems to go wrong, there's nothing I can do but realise that I'm not the only one in the world going through this.
When everything seems to go wrong, there's nothing I can do but be reminded that I have friends and family who will support me through these times.
When everything seems to go wrong, there's nothing I can do but pray.
When everything seems to go wrong, there's nothing I can do but rely on God.
When everything seems to go wrong, there's nothing I can do but to trust in God.
And when things still don't go my way despite surrendering to God...I'm rest assured that in His time, everything will fall into place because He has a better plan for me.
"Trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding; in all of your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
Tuesday, 9 February 2016
A guiltless death.
I am currently sitting on the wooden
parquet floor in the master bedroom. There are colored pencils scattered all
over the floor. I pick one of them up and start coloring the pictures in my
favorite Enid Blyton book to kill boredom. I see my sister running towards the
room all of a sudden, her face lighting up. I wonder if I have just missed out
on something. I immediately stop coloring and look up at her even as she stands
above me, panting.
“Kim, Kim! Natalie just gave birth!” she
exclaims excitedly.
Natalie is my parents’ birthday gift to
my sister. She is a ginger colored hamster with fur that is ever so soft.
“Yeah, right. Don’t
lie,” I say.
“I’m not! Come and see yourself lah if you don’t believe!” she says.
Before I even have time to put my colored
pencils away (my colored pencils are my prized possessions, by the way), my
sister drags me along to my very own bedroom where Natalie had just given birth.
This is where we keep the hamster’s cage. I look wide-eyed at the new born baby
hamsters in awe. This is my first time witnessing a hamster giving birth with my
own eyes. I put on a disgusted look on my face. I wonder if all baby hamsters
look like that when they first come out.
“Ew, they look so ugly,” I tell my sister.
Blushing pink, bald, furless, eyes still
enclosed under a thin sheet of membrane and tiny skeleton-like legs. My room
is starting to smell like decomposing meat.
A few weeks have passed. Natalie’s
babies look more like hamsters now. All five of them are starting
to grow fur and they are growing bigger each day. I think they look a whole lot
cuter than before. My favorite is Snowy.
I
cannot tell what time it is, but the sun is starting to set. I am lying down on
the sofa, not doing anything. Boredom is eating me up. I get up from the sofa
and walk up the flight of stairs. I feel as if it is taking me forever to reach
the top of the staircase. I tiptoe into the master bedroom and I see that both
my mother and my sister are taking a nap. I decide not to wake them up and
instead, take Snowy out for a ‘little walk’. I open up the hamsters’ cage and I
take Snowy out and cup him into my hands, just like always. This time, I decide
to let Snowy run about freely on the floor. I get up on both feet with Snowy
still within the grasp of my two hands. I stand up and all of a sudden, Snowy
scurries out of my hand’s grip and lands on the floor.
Immobile.
I freeze.
I am pretty sure my heart just skipped a
few beats. I feel a shortness of breath.
I want to pick Snowy up, I really do…but
I am afraid that he might be dead. Tears start to well up in my eyes. My throat
is tight, and I cannot utter even one word. Fear starts to take control over me. I close my eyes and count to three, hoping that
everything would be fine once I open them. One, two, three, I count in my head.
I slowly open up my eyes and I see that Snowy is still on the floor, lying in
the same position as before. I gather up all my courage and pick Snowy up, my
hands trembling with fear. Snowy starts blinking. I let out a sigh of relief,
knowing that he is still alive but he is somehow not as active as before. I put
him back into the cage, only to realise that Snowy cannot walk properly. It seems to
me like his two back legs are broken. I feel as if a knife has been stabbed
right through my heart. I can feel my heart breaking.
Oh
God, what did I just do…
I see the sun shining right through the
window shades and the first thing I do is check on Snowy. I am starting to
panic. I see Snowy sleeping. I blow onto his
fur to wake him up, but he shows no response. I blow no more. I know that Snowy
is already dead. Gone. Forever. I cry uncontrollably. This is entirely my
fault, and I know it. My mother and sister hear the sound of my cry. They try
to console me.
“It’s not your fault, Kim. I’m sure you didn’t
mean to do that,” my mother tries to comfort me.
But it is no use. I know that I am the
cause of this. I've just killed my favourite hamster…
My sister digs a hole in our garden
using a toy spade for the burial of Snowy. The thought of Snowy rotting in the
dug up hole makes me feel sick already. I fold a paper heart and bury it
together with Snowy’s petite body. I hope he receives my paper heart in heaven.
I don't know if there is a heaven for animals, but I hope that Snowy
will know that I always loved him and never meant to take his life away,
wherever he is at this very moment. I try to hold back my tears but they stream down on my face anyway. I will never forget the days when Snowy and I used to spend time
together. The guilt that I feel deep within me will never cease to be erased
out of my memory.
Ever.
[Note: This was based on a true story. However, events took place about 14 years ago.]
Monday, 25 January 2016
5 things people claim to understand
...but really don't!
In my 21 years (ish) of living, I've had friends come to me for BGR advice and I probably gave them great, practical advice at that time. I felt like the paragon of all love gurus. Well, little did they know, I'd never experienced having a boyfriend before. But sure, I learn from the mistakes of others and I try my best (?) to do what I think is best for me.
And then, there are those rare days where someone comes up to me with unfortunate news and I just sit there wondering what I should say or do. Of course, I result to saying the most cliche of all sayings, "I understand how you feel". Or even better, "Life is unfair. Sometimes things just don't go the way we want them to". Of which I totally agree with, mind you. But yes, I do hesitate while saying the words "I understand how you feel", because I haven't gone through what they've been through and I feel as if I don't have the rights to say that I do.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that the statement on its own is politically incorrect in certain social contexts, what I'm meaning to say is that..if I'm feeling shitty (please excuse the occasional coarse language as if you don't give a s*** about my s***z.) and all, don't tell me that you understand, because..well, you just don't, and it isn't gonna make me feel any better. If you went through what I've gone through as well, then great, we're in the same boat and we can bond over a weeping sesh.
With that being said, everyone is different and we all go through difference experiences in different phases of life.
These are 5 things that people claim to understand, but really don't/won't. Unless they've actually had similar experiences before.
1) Loneliness
We've all been there before-feeling lonely. But there are different kinds of loneliness, or so to speak. You could go to a friend's party and feel lonely because you don't know anyone, or moving to a foreign land where you know absolutely no one and you spend months feeling alone, or you could be forever alone (literally) and be single your whole life and feel like you need to find the right one a.s.a.p., or you could be in a room filled with people that you already 'know'...and yet, still feel lonely. In my opinion, loneliness is one of the worst things that anyone could feel. I know, because I've experienced all 'kinds' of loneliness. Loneliness also probably plays a big role in anxiety disorders, depression and possibly suicide. Wow okay, enough with the morbidity Kimberly.
2) Experiencing the death of a loved one
Hmm, this one..people usually admit to it if they haven't experienced it before and don't know how it feels like having a loved one pass away.. I actually wouldn't really know what to say to a friend who's grieving over a loved one's death either, actually. So I don't know how to tackle this one. Lol.
3) Growing up in a dysfunctional family
100% of the population would think that arguments and quarrels within a family are only normal-and I agree with that. However, these things happen at varying degrees, and I believe that numerous individuals have been impacted negatively by their family upbringing. I can only be thankful and blessed that I have grown up feeling loved by both my parents. Sometimes, all we want is life is to be loved, and to feel loved. Unfortunately, not everyone is able to experience that.
4) Lack of self-worth/self-esteem
There are people in this world who have a deep sense of self-worthlessness and lack of self-esteem, and it doesn't help for an extreme optimist to just go up to that person and just be like, "Hey, you got this man, I know you can do it! " Well, of course, it's always good to encourage others. However, over the years, I've learnt that learning to love yourself doesn't just happen over night; it is one long, slow process of learning in progress. I, myself have quite low self esteem, I think (no matter how confident I may seem at times, through my writing or in real life). Well, it never hurts to keep complimenting and encouraging those around us nevertheless!
5) Betrayal
I don't remember being 'betrayed' by anyone before-at least to the extent where I would hunt them down to the ends of the earth if I had a chance. Haha. So...I can't say much about this. However, I know people who have been betrayed in the past, and those incidences have definitely affected their whole outlook on life negatively. Nevertheless, my wish is that I would never have to experience any form of betrayal, especially by a loved one...that would be heartbreaking.
In my 21 years (ish) of living, I've had friends come to me for BGR advice and I probably gave them great, practical advice at that time. I felt like the paragon of all love gurus. Well, little did they know, I'd never experienced having a boyfriend before. But sure, I learn from the mistakes of others and I try my best (?) to do what I think is best for me.
And then, there are those rare days where someone comes up to me with unfortunate news and I just sit there wondering what I should say or do. Of course, I result to saying the most cliche of all sayings, "I understand how you feel". Or even better, "Life is unfair. Sometimes things just don't go the way we want them to". Of which I totally agree with, mind you. But yes, I do hesitate while saying the words "I understand how you feel", because I haven't gone through what they've been through and I feel as if I don't have the rights to say that I do.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that the statement on its own is politically incorrect in certain social contexts, what I'm meaning to say is that..if I'm feeling shitty (please excuse the occasional coarse language as if you don't give a s*** about my s***z.) and all, don't tell me that you understand, because..well, you just don't, and it isn't gonna make me feel any better. If you went through what I've gone through as well, then great, we're in the same boat and we can bond over a weeping sesh.
With that being said, everyone is different and we all go through difference experiences in different phases of life.
These are 5 things that people claim to understand, but really don't/won't. Unless they've actually had similar experiences before.
1) Loneliness
We've all been there before-feeling lonely. But there are different kinds of loneliness, or so to speak. You could go to a friend's party and feel lonely because you don't know anyone, or moving to a foreign land where you know absolutely no one and you spend months feeling alone, or you could be forever alone (literally) and be single your whole life and feel like you need to find the right one a.s.a.p., or you could be in a room filled with people that you already 'know'...and yet, still feel lonely. In my opinion, loneliness is one of the worst things that anyone could feel. I know, because I've experienced all 'kinds' of loneliness. Loneliness also probably plays a big role in anxiety disorders, depression and possibly suicide. Wow okay, enough with the morbidity Kimberly.
2) Experiencing the death of a loved one
Hmm, this one..people usually admit to it if they haven't experienced it before and don't know how it feels like having a loved one pass away.. I actually wouldn't really know what to say to a friend who's grieving over a loved one's death either, actually. So I don't know how to tackle this one. Lol.
3) Growing up in a dysfunctional family
100% of the population would think that arguments and quarrels within a family are only normal-and I agree with that. However, these things happen at varying degrees, and I believe that numerous individuals have been impacted negatively by their family upbringing. I can only be thankful and blessed that I have grown up feeling loved by both my parents. Sometimes, all we want is life is to be loved, and to feel loved. Unfortunately, not everyone is able to experience that.
4) Lack of self-worth/self-esteem
There are people in this world who have a deep sense of self-worthlessness and lack of self-esteem, and it doesn't help for an extreme optimist to just go up to that person and just be like, "Hey, you got this man, I know you can do it! " Well, of course, it's always good to encourage others. However, over the years, I've learnt that learning to love yourself doesn't just happen over night; it is one long, slow process of learning in progress. I, myself have quite low self esteem, I think (no matter how confident I may seem at times, through my writing or in real life). Well, it never hurts to keep complimenting and encouraging those around us nevertheless!
5) Betrayal
I don't remember being 'betrayed' by anyone before-at least to the extent where I would hunt them down to the ends of the earth if I had a chance. Haha. So...I can't say much about this. However, I know people who have been betrayed in the past, and those incidences have definitely affected their whole outlook on life negatively. Nevertheless, my wish is that I would never have to experience any form of betrayal, especially by a loved one...that would be heartbreaking.
Saturday, 17 October 2015
B'day dedication to the one and only RENEE CHEWIES!
This is by far, one of the worst things I've ever done and the most honest confession I have ever made (as far as I can remember). Today marks the 22nd year that my best friend (aka myself) has been on this earth. And guess what? I've been so caught up with life, not paying attention to the dates and everything that I actually forgot it was the 17th of October. It's now 11.36pm in Melbourne and...I still can't believe I forgot. WOWWWWWWW what a failure. Anyway, this public birthday post isn't an apology to say sorry that your birthday slipped my mind like wow I'm so mad at myself you have no idea LOL but anywayyy, LIFE GOES ON...
I've known you for close to 2 years now and I've to say, I've never met anyone like you. You've the purest soul. Such a good heart, kind soul, weird being, funny to the max, hard working, creative, musically gifted and well, you're just beautiful both inside and out. I'd make a whole list of your amazing qualities, and also a separate list of your strange jokes, and a separate list for every person's name that you've forgotten, and another list for the amount of times you've had to explain to someone about the story behind your fear/hatred for eggs, but..the list could kinda go on forever. LOL. I've a lot to say, but at the same time I don't really know what to say because there's too much to say. I guess..hmm. I'm just really thankful for you, I thank God for putting you in my life because I know for sure that my life would be very different if I hadn't met you. Especially my life in Monash. Also, I miss(ed) you every day when I was/am in Melbourne. It's kinda saddening sometimes, not being able to eat and hang with you and all that good old fun stuff lol or just being with you and doing nothing and not saying anything, but oh wait we don't really have silent conversations do we, HAHA.
Anyway, I can't wait to go back to Malaysia and see your beautiful face in person and hang with you cause I miss you so much T_T Happy birthday once again, to be honest, I feel like the most terrible horrible vegetable friend ever for totally forgetting this special day of yours, but I guess being honest with you is the least I could do right now. Lol! But really, thank you for your friendship and you're the David to my Jonathan. LOL okay that sounded reallyyy weird but...you've been the greatest friend. I pray that our friendship will continue to blossom like flower and may God reveal Himself to you more and more even as you seek Him, and you'll be the woman that God has called you to be. Thank you for being an inspiration to me and to many others, I'm sure. :) And omgosh this is the most formal I've ever written to you HAHAH.
Hope you had a great one, take care and ILY (I really do, but I feel extremely weird saying or typing that out so...much love!) Stay amazing coz u iz more than amazing <3
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